As i remember you
by DreamerofHope
Summary: This is how i remember you, of what we where, of what i wanted to become.


It's been a while. All most two years, if my memory stands correct. I can't seem to tell any more, it all just fades away like the autumn sun on a cold day. I'm empty, every since you've left me standing here so long ago. It was this very same day as well that you took my heart in your hands. It was this day as well that you took my heart away, crushing it cruelly and leaving me broken and shamed. 

I've made so many promises to you. None am I willing to ever forget, yet forgotten I've become. I still notice you, even though as we pass each other, you're the one that looks away. You're the one that's running from what we where, what we could have become. It's forever trapped in my mind how we meet, how a stupid mistake blossomed into a friendship, a secret desire, and a love that was lost. This is the last night I will stand here, remembering you. You've moved on, or so you would like me to believe. 

I still remember the promise we made. To never forget one another, no matter what was to happen. I swore to you that I'd be here for you when you would need me. You still never notice me, even though I've held you as you cried your broken heart out since then. You ran, and I was the one to hold you, to catch you as you fell. Literally did you run into me as you flew down the steps, I was so afraid as we rolled together, shielding you as we hit each step after. I knew I was broken. You never once looked into my eyes, or upon my face as you buried your head in my shoulder and cried. I took you away, to this place. You cried so much that night, and I was so weak. I left you by morning, my coat wrapped around your body for warmth as you slept a peaceful sleep of the jaded. They hurt you, and I made sure they regretted it, but you will never know. 

You still wear my coat.

The sun slowly sets, as night has surrounded me. I sit comfortably in the same spot we sat, wrapped in each other for warmth as the lake before us glistening by the moonlight. I loved to star gaze, and would tell you so often. You would only smile knowingly and brush my bangs out of my eyes, looking down upon me as I pointed out each star excitedly. I never knew their names, I was just awed by there beauty, my head rested comfortably in your lap the long nights we stayed together, you resting your back upon a weeping willow tree. You'd get cold and I'd let you wear my coat, pretending I was never cold. I'd get sick the next day.

I'm still missing my coat you know. I can't help but shiver from the cold and I 'vent yet bought a new one to replace the one I once had. Its stupid and childish, I know this, yet I cant seem to muster enough will to buy another. I look out into the waters and see that the lily's I'd once swam out and gathered for you have long died away, there pads float effortlessly in the crystal clear water. I close my eyes, wishing to see no more.

One night you told me you loved me, you had said it before but I could never accept it. It never seemed right, or true. I didn't believe in such things. Yet In this spot, I stole my first kiss of you, and form that point on I knew it to be true. It had scared me. I'd tried running from you; there was a leash about my heart that every time I tried kept reeling me back. I hurt you, and in return you hurt me. Yet you said I helped, but I also I hurt you. I never did understand that. I hated hurting you.

The wind has picked up; cars are beeping at each other in the distant sounds, I could never find any place far away from the public. Yet this spot is still nicely hidden as ever. I hear a faint bird cheerping, trying to spread warmth into this cold world. I can't help but shiver. I begin dreaming of earlier days, of happier ones. The days where I felt truly alive. Yet never so much as to when I first meet you. I whisper your name, and frown as the gentle frozen gusts takes it away. I cant help but shiver now, it had indeed gotten quite cold outside, and previous memories never could keep me as warm as being in your embrace. 

A gentle feeling resides over my hand at my side. I become flush and my senses heighten. I believe, still groggy, its only a butterfly grazing my cold skin, but quickly remember that its late fall, and all the butterflies are no longer with us. I slowly open my eyes, and feel my world drop from under me. Its you. I think its you, I cant tell. I so afraid, I cant move. I don't understand. 

"..Is it.." I begin.

"Shuussh.." You whisper placing a delicate finger upon my shivering lips.

Your finger traces my lips, slowly cupping the side of my face. I close my eyes, not believing that it is truly you who touches me. Warmth spreads throughout my body. I should be mad I know, I should push you away and yell at the top of my lungs. Tell you I hate you, that I'm disgusted by you. There is so much anger in me that for an instant I'm very well tempted to. You run your thumb over my lips and my eyes snap open. I imagine they are burning with such hatred as I stare at you, because you freeze and only glance at me before you begin to gently lower your hand. Yet I realize something, and it was only a quick glace that the oddity that occurred to me. You are wearing my coat. My jacket. I feel my hand rise to yours, all most on its own accord and I hold your hand to my face, I turn towards it, kissing your palm. I close my eyes again and I feel you shift your body, moving closer to me. 

"Please don't cry, don't cry any more." I hear you whisper, I didn't realize I was crying. 

You hold me then, and I cling to you. I feel my body shake and the tears run down my face, like glass did they cut me deep. You held me close, running your hands up and down my back in the way that I knew you knew drove me crazy, and I still don't believe it is you.

"Shuuussh." You whisper into my neck as I seem to cling even more, not believing in what was happening. 

As I cried, I felt as if the gap in my heart was filling with my own tears, patching the holes and turning to cement. I wanted to push you away, I wanted to run from the warm embrace I found myself in. I wanted to hit you, bite you, hate you, and love you at the same time. I couldn't though, all I could do was hold you, even after my tears had subsided I still held you. I feel asleep, your arms where wrapped around me in such a way I had longed for in the past two years. 

The morning sun woke me up, I was still in your arms. We had shifted though, your head was resting upon my shoulder, my arms wrapped around you like you where my teddy bear. I was slightly cold where our bodies weren't molded together, but I didn't move. I never wanted to move again. I watched as you woke up, it was hard but I didn't move. I watched as you groggily blinked at the morning sun who danced merrily in our faces. The brightest reds, oranges and yellows playing tag among the lakeside. Your head whipped up and you blushed as you saw me watching you. 

"Morning." I whisper.

I see you smile, and you lean up and kiss me. I knew then that you had come back to me, I prayed to whom ever was listening that you wouldn't leave me again. 

And you never have.


End file.
